Meet Spivey.
This is a typical email I get from him while I’m at work: (he’s speaking of a future roommate we’re trying to find for our flat)
“I thought we could expedite this process a bit…
Do not even think about reading the rest of this sentence unless you are a girl or think you can fool me into believing you are!!!
I am renting the following Small Room: 12’x12’ room with no windows and a tiny closet. room has carpet and a light and nothing else. There are a few big brass braclets some chick left on the closet shelf, if you can reach them they are yours (They’re pretty far back on this shelf though and the wall comes down pretty close so you’re going to need a stick or something. Bring your own though, a stick will not be provided! Please do not move in and expect me to give you MY stick, I have already warned you once and will just say I told you so! We do not have a backyard so you will not be able to get a stick once you are here either! There might be some out front but we have neighbors and they all need sticks too so please just bring your own!!!).
The room is in a 4 bedroom flat with some pretty cool roomates, I am one of the tallest people I know and I once took my pants off in the middle of the filmore festival. I dont have any kids yet but if you are good looking that will probably change. Rent is really expensive in san francisco and we are paying $12000 for the apartment. since your room is Small Room we are cutting you a deal and will rent it for $3000 only.”
And that is why we love Spivey.
